My DIY Wedding Ceremony & Advice

Before I got engaged, I presumed that the type of couple that wrote their own wedding ceremony were either massive hippy-types, or hugely arrogant of their own writing skills and a bit sappy. As we're neither, I'm not sure how we ended up writing our French wedding ceremony. It was partly thanks to our friends {The Ducks}, who hosted their own fabulous Caribbean-themed wedding with their own inspiring ceremony, and partly because we don't believe in God. With a church wedding firmly off the cards, and the civil ceremony so depressingly meh, we weren't left with many options. I did buy the Humanist wedding ceremony guide, but deary me, that booklet knows how to take the romance out of vows. So we wrote threw caution to the wind, and using the Church of England ceremony as a template {minus God}, we came up with our own. And now you can read it, and hopefully see that it wasn't a naff sludge-fest, but actually quite meaningful and dead romantic {my Boy's terms}. Hopefully it should still act as a decent template, should you be looking for one! Click here to take a look. You'll notice from the gorgeous Caught the Light pictures below, that we said our vows in a churchy-looking place. We were very lucky that our venue had an unconsecrated chapel, so we had the beauty of an historic building, without the religious obligations.

{Photo Credit} Our wedding by Caught the Light

P.S. Remember that to legally get married you have to either have a civil ceremony or a religious ceremony of some kind. We had our civil ceremony in London, so strictly speaking the French wedding didn't count. Although for us, it was our wedding day, and the 28th May is what's engraved in The Boy's wedding ring {mine is too narrow}.

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My DIY Wedding Ceremony Template

So here it is - our wedding ceremony template. Please do feel free to use it as you wish, and I'd be interested in any improvements you make, or opinions you have on how to make it better. We hope it would work just as well for a same-sex marriage. You'll see that I've deleted some of the details of the vows, so that you can fill them in with your own personal promises.

THE WEDDING OF BRIDE AND GROOM

At VENUE in CITY/COUNTY/COUNTRY

DATE at TIME

{Insert details of music to be played while the guests are being seated here}

BRIDE ENTERS {Insert details of Bride's processional music here}

THE WELCOME

OFFICIANT: Please be seated.

Good afternoon, and welcome to VENUE on this lovely day. We are / I am OFFICIANT'S NAME, and we’re / I'm an old friend of the X family. We’ve known X since X, and we’re delighted to preside over X and X’s wedding ceremony.

The wedding rings are making their way around the congregation. When they come to you, please silently say a prayer, or wish X and X all the best in their married life. This is a tradition known as warming the rings. You’ll need to pass them on fairly quickly, because we’ll soon be coming to the vows, when we’ll need them back!

X and X understand that marriage is a solemn vow bonding two people together for life. They’re thrilled to be making this vow in front of you all today.

They’ve chosen several readings that are important to them, for this ceremony. The first will be ready by READER ONE.

THE FIRST READING

READER ONE: This was the passage X read to X when he asked her to marry him.

From Chapter 6 of The Great Gatsby by F. Scott Fitzgerald
"He knew that when he kissed this girl, and forever wed his unutterable visions to her perishable breath, his mind would never romp again like the mind of God. So he waited, listening for a moment longer to the tuning-fork that had been struck upon a star. Then he kissed her. At his lips' touch she blossomed for him like a flower and the incarnation was complete."

THE VOWS

OFFICIANT: X and X see marriage as the next step in their lives together, and it’s important to them that you’re all here today to witness this moment. X and X have written their own vows to each other. X, if you’d like to start.

GROOM’S VOW

I promise to love you with all of my being for as long as we live.

I promise to be your best and most loyal friend, to cherish you, to care for you [ ]

I promise to be romantic, [ ]

I promise to be a good companion wherever we are. And [ ].

I promise to be good company. There will be []

I promise to be a loving and caring mother should that day come. I'll

Lastly, I promise that we'll always be a team. What's mine is yours, financially, physically and mentally. We'll be [ ].

You are the person I've chosen to spend my life with and before all our family and friends today I want to say somewhat simply...I love you and I can't wait to be your husband.

BRIDE'S VOW

I promise to love you with all of my being for as long as we live.

I promise to be your best and most loyal friend, to cherish you, to care for you [ ]

I promise to be romantic, [ ]

I promise to be a good companion wherever we are. And [ ].

I promise to be good company. There will be []

I promise to be a loving and caring mother should that day come. I'll

Lastly, I promise that we'll always be a team. What's mine is yours, financially, physically and mentally. We'll be [ ].

You are the person I've chosen to spend my life with and before all our family and friends today I want to say somewhat simply...I love you and I can't wait to be your wife.

OFFICIANT TURNS TO THE BEST MAN: Please could I have the rings

OFFICIANT: GROOM, will you take BRIDE, to be your lawfully wedded wife. Will you love her, comfort her, honour and keep her, in sickness and in health, and forsaking all others, keep you only to BRIDE as long as you both shall live?

GROOM: I WILL

OFFICIANT: BRIDE, will you take GROOM to be your lawfully wedded husband. Will you love him, honour and keep him, in sickness and in health, and forsaking all others, keep you only to GROOM as long as you both shall live?

BRIDE: I WILL

READINGS

OFFICIANT: Before X and X exchange rings, we have two poems chosen by X and X, and read by READER 2 and READER 3.

The Orange, by Wendy Cope
Read by READER 2

At lunchtime I bought a huge orange —
The size of it made us all laugh.
I peeled and shared it with Robert and Dave —
They got quarters and I had a half.

And that orange, it made me so happy,
As ordinary things often do
Just lately. The shopping. A walk in the park.
This is peace and contentment. It’s new.

The rest of the day was quite easy.
I did all the jobs on my list
And enjoyed them and had some time over.
I love you. I’m glad I exist.

The One by Christina Rossetti
Read by READER 3

When the one whose hand you're holding
Is the one one who holds your heart
When the one whose eyes you gaze into
Gives your hopes and dreams their start,
When the one you think of first and last
Is the one who holds you tight,
And the things you plan together
Make the whole world seem just right,
When the one whom you believe in
puts their faith and trust in you,
You've found the one and only love
You'll share your whole life through.

EXCHANGING OF RINGS

OFFICIANT: May I have the rings please. These rings, now warmed by those you love the most, are a symbol of your marriage. These rings mark the beginning of a long journey filled with wonder, surprises, laughter, tears, celebration and joy. May these rings glow in reflection of the warmth and love you have for each other.

TO GROOM: Take this ring, and placing it on BRIDE’s finger, say:
With this ring, I thee wed, pledging my loyalty, love and life.

TO BRIDE: Take this ring, and placing it on GROOMS’s finger, say:
With this ring, I thee wed, pledging my loyalty, love and life.

THE UNION

OFFICIANT: As X and X have consented to their marriage and have witnessed the fact before this gathering of friends and family, having made promises to each other, marked by the giving and receiving of rings, I NOW DECLARE YOU HUSBAND AND WIFE. You may now kiss the bride!

SIGNING OF THE WEDDING CERTIFICATE

OFFICIANT: X and X will now sign their wedding certificate, along with their two witnesses, while the string quartet will play Hornpipe from Handel’s Water Music.

{Music: Hornpipe from Handel’s Water Music}

THE FINAL EXHORTATION

OFFICIANT: Please all stand. X and X have chosen each other; they have declared their love for each other and their purpose to live together united as one. May they carry great peace and satisfaction into their marriage. And may they find today a new beginning together, with many years ahead of fruitfulness and joy.

I present, the new Mr and Mrs X!

{Picture Credits} All photographs by Chloe from Caught the Light

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Your Wedding Flowers for Less

Wedding flowers can blow your budget. They certainly blew mine, and that's despite me knowing all the secret tips. Unfortunately most of my wedding tips didn't translate into French for my wedding, but if you're getting married in the UK, then this advice on wedding flowers is going to save you a fortune. If you're looking for super-high end designer flowers, then this is not the feature for you - but right now, most of us are trying to save a few pennies on our wedding budget, and I'm all about cheap and chic. To get you in the mood, here are a few pictures of my own wedding flowers, taken by the lovely Chloé from Caught the Light. We couldn't DIY all our wedding flowers, because we needed to hire the vases from the florist, and it worked out as more economical to keep him on-side. But we saved a fortune by buying clouds and clouds of baby's breath from a local market. Our wedding planner Kerry Bracken collected it on the night before the wedding and it stayed lovely and fresh. Our Provencal florist, Stéphane, was wonderful - I'd recommend him to any bride planning to get married in France.

Before the Big Day Tips - Your Wedding Flowers for Less

1. Keep it seasonal. For a list of what flowers are in season for your wedding, click here.

2. Consider using plants rather than cut flowers for your table displays. Some garden centres will rent you plants, but even if you need to buy them, you can give them away as lovely presents after your wedding. You could even grow your own plants, whereas growing enough flowers is a mammoth task.

3. Keep it simple. Single blooms in lots of vases take a lot less time to arrange, and that means the florist will charge you less for their time. This isn't going to give you a luxury look, but elegant simplicity is very in right now!

4. Choose a cheap variety of flower, and buy tonnes of it for a dramatic effect. For example, I used baby's breath - a flower I hate when mixed with roses, but adore on its own. Carnations have the same effect. They're dreadful dotted in bouquets, but when you mass loads of them together, the effect completely changes, from awful to awesome.

5. Buy direct from a flower market and ask a friendly florist to moonlight on your behalf. This probably only works if you have a friend or a friend-of-a-friend who's a florist, but it's worth asking around. They could do your wedding flowers instead of giving you a wedding present.

6. DIY. Now I say this with huge caution. If you're doing simple single blooms as suggested in Hint 3, then you're not going to find this too traumatic. If, however, you're thinking luxurious mixed and hand-tied bunches, then you're not going to be able to produce the effect you want. Plus it takes hours, and it has to be done really near the wedding. You do not want to be arranging flowers the morning of you wedding. Really, trust me, you don't.

7. Don't DIY your buttonholes. They're harder to produce than you think, and they're going to be in every photography. Ditto for your wedding bouquet. Even if your budget is tiny, splash out.

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Engagement Rings Advice

It's surprising how many of my male friends say they don't want to get married because they're worried about the cost of an engagement ring. If only they knew that their girlfriend would be happy with a Hula Hoop, if only they'd propose! But there's no doubt that the boys do get the more expensive end of the deal, and many of them are nervous about going into jewellery shops, and getting laughed out the room because of their puny budget. Or course they don't need to worry, because engagement rings come in all shapes and sizes, and in all budgets. From solitaire diamond rings to multi-jewelled knuckle dusters, there's something out there for everyone. Here are a few of my hints and tips on how to buy wedding jewellery....leave this page open on your laptop, so they can 'accidentally' read it! Plus if you've got any advice, please do add it to the Comments section below.

{Photo Credit} Stephanie Williams Photography

1. Traditionally a wedding ring should cost two month's salary before tax. I've heard some US jewellers suggest it should be three months!! But there in the UK it's definitely supposed to be two.

2. Lots of little diamonds give a really dramatic effect, but don't cost nearly as much as solitaire diamonds.

3. Coloured stones are often a cheaper option, but remember that diamonds match everything, and your bride is going to want to wear her engagement ring every day of her life.

4. If the clarity isn't perfect, don't worry. If the flaw can't be seen by the naked eye, then who cares!

5. Why not buy a smaller solitaire diamond ring for your proposal, and promise to replace it with a bigger rock when you've saved up the money? Your bride will be thrilled to be engaged - she won't care about the size of the rock.

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How to Buy Your Wedding Dress For Less

As soon as you get engaged, people are going to start asking you about your wedding dress. Have you found one yet? Do you know what style you're going to go for? Which is your favourite designer? I had no idea. In fact, I found the whole process just a little daunting. There's a certain amount of pressure to go with a group of girlfriends, and drink champagne, and enjoy that moment when they put the veil on, and everyone cries a bit. That wasn't ever going to work for me, because I like shopping on my own, and I was very conscious that all my girlfriends have busy lives, and I didn't want to be all bridezilla and insist they came with me shopping every Saturday. So I did a bit of shopping on my own, and quickly realised that I didn't like most dresses. I also found it hard to organise appointments, and I got a bit fed up having to travel all around London to go to all the shops. Why can't they all just be on one street? So it was a grumpy bride that stumbled out of the rain into Delphine Manivet. That's where I found my gorgeous gown, the Anatole. But man was it pricey! And that's why I loved this email from a Before the Big Day Reader, Annie.

Hi - Just stumbled on your blog, I absolutely love it! That's been the best part of wedding planning reading all of these amazing blogs! I was just wondering if your Delphine Manivet wedding dress was the Rapheal style and if you were thinking about selling it at all as I am trying to buy a second hand one as it is over my budget but completely to die for! Annie x

{Wedding Photographer Credit} Me on my French wedding day by Caught the Light}

Annie and I totally think alike. I also searched for the Anatole second-hand as well, and I reckon lots of brides try to do the same. So in the spirit of saving money, and looking hot for less money, I thought I'd give you these top-tips for getting your wedding dress for less.

♥ Find out whether your wedding dress designer does sample sales, and be the first in the door.

♥ Search on eBay. If your designer is French, search on French eBay {tip: you'll need to use the word 'robe' for dress or 'voile' for veil}. My London wedding dress was designed by Rose & Ruby from Australia, so I searched on Australian eBay.

♥  Check out wedding blogs that allow brides to list their wedding dresses. Once Wed is a wedding blog in the US, and Rock My Wedding in the UK also has a listing service.

♥ Scour the Secondhand Dress websites. My favourites are Sell My Wedding Dress and Preloved, but there are loads - just type "secondhand wedding dress" into Google.

♥ If all else fails, ask for a discount. You'll be surprised how often shops will offer 10%-20% off, and you've got nothing to lose by asking.

P.S. I actually did find a secondhand Delphine Manivet dress owned by a bride in Paris, but unfortunately she sold it before I managed to snap it up.

P.P.S. I have now sold both my wedding dresses!

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Submissions

Before the Big Day is ALL about Real Weddings, and I'm always on the look out for more! So whether you're a photographer, or a bride, or a wedding planner {or anyone else!}, do get in touch with your gorgeous weddings, so I can feature them on Before the Big Day.

I'm also massively interested in fashion and product shoots, DIY ideas and any other fabulousness you think I should know about. So don't be shy - get in touch! Simply send me a selection of the best pictures from a particular wedding, or a link to a blog post you've written, and I'll tell you whether your wedding fits with Before the Big Day.



{Photo Credits} Buy these gorgeous prints from Skippy Design

Once I've accepted your wedding, I'll need the following... 

1. Please could you send about 80 pictures, telling the story of the day, with a special focus on wedding details. I’m only really interested in the bride, groom, bridesmaids and ushers, so no need for any guest pictures.

2. Please only send colour pictures.

3. There’s no need to resize your pictures, my Blogstomp software does that for me!

4. Please send your pictures via Dropbox, labeled with your company’s name, followed by the bride and groom’s name.

5. If possible, could you ask your bride to fill in our Bride’s Questionnaire? If she’s not able to do it, could you tell me the key details about the wedding – including location and date, and anything else you can add about the theme / suppliers.

In the meantime, why not take a look at the Real Weddings already featured on Before the Big Day, or take a look at all the details of My Own Wedding.